Struggle 2: Conflict Avoidance

Why Conflict Avoidance Is Your Silent Leadership Killer!

Let’s face it: leaders, conflict avoidance is tempting, I know as I used to be the biggest conflict avoider present in the world! Who wants to deal with uncomfortable conversations when deadlines are looming, and egos are at stake? 

Now, what I have come to realise the hard way:

Unresolved conflicts don’t go away—they grow roots. They fester, disrupt team cohesion, and often resurface at the worst possible moment. 

Do you remember a time you avoided conflict, and it came back to bite you?

So, how to confront conflicts head-on while maintaining trust and respect? 

A Recognizable Scenario: The Silent Bottleneck

Imagine you’ve noticed tension between your Sales and Marketing teams. Deadlines are being missed, emails have a defensive tone, and you hear whispers of blame in meetings. You tell yourself, “They’ll figure it out—it’s not worth getting involved right now.”

Some weeks later, the conflict has escalated. Deadlines are blown, team morale is down, and your best client is unhappy. You’re forced to step in—now with fewer options and higher stakes. Sound familiar?

Here’s how to shift from avoiding conflict to transforming it:

• Curiosity is key.

Instead of seeing conflict as something to fix, view it as an opportunity to learn. Most conflicts arise from unmet needs or misaligned expectations! Getting curious helps uncover the real issue.

Questions I use a lot: (not trying to fix anything!) “What’s really important to you here?”, “What’s the outcome you’re hoping for?”

• Conflict is more than what’s being said. 

Conflict often feels heavier or sharper because of unspoken fears or assumptions. Tuning into this energy helps you address the root cause.

I usually reflect the energy back and use sentences like:

 “It seems like there’s some frustration around this. Let’s unpack it.”

By naming the energy, you create space for honesty and clarity, making solutions easier to find.

• Shift from “the problem” to” what’s possible”

Conflict tends to anchor people in the past (“what went wrong”). A future-oriented mindset inspires creativity and forward momentum.

Try Asking something different like: “What would success look like for both sides?” or 

 “What’s one small step we can take right now to move closer to that?”.

The Payoff

When you tackle conflict early with presence and intention, you:

• Prevent small issues from becoming costly crises.

  
  

• Foster a culture of accountability and trust iso finger-pointing in meetings.

  
  

• Strengthen your team’s ability to resolve future challenges on their own.

Avoiding conflict may feel easier in the moment. Be absolutely aware that it undermines progress in the long run.